The Definitive How To Flirt Guide

Flirting is, at its most basic, a way to meet potential mates and see if they are compatible. In some situations, such as at a dance or a party, flirting is the only way to open the door to a romantic relationship with someone you don’t know and might not otherwise ever see again. Consequently flirting is a very important life skill, and a skill that makes most people nervous. Flirting is an art, but an art that can be learned. Here are some pointers.

The Path To Success

1. Lower your expectations. If you don’t take it too seriously then flirting will be great fun. Mostly, you’ll just flirt with someone for a short period and then maybe never talk to them again. Don’t expect all your flirting exploits to result in a date (or even marriage) with the person you’re flirting with, or you’re bound to be disappointed - and you will definitely appear a little desperate. Never forget, you’re just flirting.

2. Look approachable. Relax and smile. You can use your body language to emphasize what a fun person you are, and also demonstrate that you are relaxed and confident. There’s no need to be nervous.

3. Read body language. Does the person seem approachable? Are they displaying interest in you? From the instant you see someone who you think you might want to flirt with, begin to read their body language. When you’re flirting with someone, you’ll often only be able to tell if they’re interested in you by their body language . Everyone has an inborn ability to read body language, but it’s easy to misinterpret signs, so be very cautious and proceed slowly. If you see any sign at all that the person is interested in you, pay close attention for other signs that confirm this.

4. Make eye contact, but only for a moment or two. Do not stare. Gaze briefly at the person, smile with your eyes, and then look away slowly. When you look back and notice the person looking back to meet your eyes, then they’re likely interested in flirting a bit.

5. Initiate a conversation with the person you’re interested in. When you don’t know them just indulge in small talk. Probably the best way to get a conversation started is to make a simple observation that ends with a question, “Lovely day, isn’t it?” or “This place sure is packed, eh?” are just a couple examples. Its not important what you say. It’s not that you need this question answering, you’re just inviting this person to enter into a conversation with you. Continue the conversation if the person responds in a pleasant way. If you struggle to extract a response or if the person appears preoccupied or disinterested, then they’re most likely not interested in flirting with you. At the start of your chat, don’t refer to anything personal. Discuss your surroundings, the tv show you just watched, etc., but don’t talk much about yourself and don’t ask the other person personal questions.

6. Slowly share information about each other. If this small talk goes well, proceed to share a little information about yourself–just something small like what you do for a living or how you liked the show you just saw, for example. You will want to introduce yourself at some point and, with a little luck, discover the name of the other person. The key to sharing information is that you both gradually open up. Take turns talking, and each time the other person gives you some information about himself or herself, give similar information about yourself, and maybe give slightly more personal information than that person gave. For example, if you’re talking to a girl who says she’s taking summer classes, you might disclose that you are also taking summer classes, and then proceed to tell her which class you are most excited about. This is an invitation for her to disclose more about herself. In this fashion, the intimacy of the conversation will increase over time. Be careful not to share too much about yourself too quickly, and don’t encourage the other person to do so either.

7. Give the person the focus of your attention. Listen to their tales, laugh at all their jokes, and don’t be distratcted by what’s going on around you. If you seem interested that’s more important than appearing interesting yourself, and avoid hogging the conversation. Being a good listener has more relevance to successful flirting than being witty.

8. Use body language to hint at your romantic intentions. If things are progressing well, you might want to attempt to break the touch barrier. Touch his or her arm briefly and gently as you talk. Or be more assertive and hold the person’s hand when you cross the street, or if walking to a seat or a table, lead them by gently holding their arm. Touching in this manner helps break a “personal space” barrier. Pay attention to red flags, because some people have “personal space” issues and you don’t want to make them uncomfortable. It’s generally more acceptable for a woman to touch early in a conversation than it is a man. Many women feel a little threatened when a man they just met enters their personal space, while most men are more open to being touched. Always proceed with caution, and back off if the signs from the person are negative or mixed.

9. Seal the deal. Most flirting is just harmless fun, and nothing will ever come of it. Once in a while, you’ll encounter someone you’d really like to see again, and who seems to want to see you again too. Flirting is simply a type of courting ritual, a means to meeting potential boyfriends and girlfriends, maybe even your future spouse. Simply start by getting the other person’s phone number, it’s not time to make wedding plans yet. This can be really hard for many people, because you have to show your hand and consequently risk rejection. Be brave. Tell the person you’d like to see him or her again, and just ask for their phone number or, if it feels right, try to set up a date for some future time. If the person isn’t interested, don’t sweat it. It’s not the end of the world, there will always be another guy or girl to flirt with.

The article provides advice for women on how to flirt with men but also has many tips which can be helpful for men flirting with women.

Take This Advice

* What you say is not of paramount importance (unless its completely idiotic), but, whatever you do say, try and keep your conversation positive. Don’t be negative, arrogant, or pushy; just be friendly.

* When you first begin chatting with someone, do not aim to flirt. Make it your goal to have a conversation. This will remove a lot of pressure from the both of you.

* Do not chase anyone if they do not return your interest. Walk away if the person doesn’t appear interested. Do not assume that they’re playing hard to get, because they might not look favorably on you being too pushy.

* Compliments can take you a long way. It’s a great idea to compliment the person during your conversation, but don’t try to pass off a compliment that you don’t really mean, and be careful about compliments that might be embarrassing or offensive (compliments about a woman’s figure, for example).

* If you’re uneasy about asking for their number, try and give them your number. If they are genuinely interested in you they will call you. You could also remove the pressure and allow the conversation to continue by passing them your email address.

Be Warned, There Are Pitfalls!

* Never flirt with someone who you are certain that you’re not romantically interested in, period. Otherwise, you risk accidentally leading them on, which can lead to an embarrassing moment and uncomfortable interactions afterwards. But still remember that you are not getting married, yet. Just as when you grant a compliment, flirting should have an air of sincerity about it. Flirt with people who seem different than you or who you do not know much about, and they could surprise you.

* Use flirting that is appropriate for the setting. Meeting at a library or loud dance hall, for example, might not be conducive to talking too much. In this case, smile, act interested, and wait for a spontaneous opportunity to meet at the punch bowl or in the lobby. Do not however, appear to be a stalker or you will scare them away.

* There are some places where flirting is not appropriate. Take my word for it that funerals are not a great place to flirt. Flirting at work is generally taboo. If you’re tempted to flirt at work, then be careful, and don’t push too hard if the other person shows no interest.

* Making jokes is usually a great way to flirt with people, but don’t use humor that could offend your flirting partner. Though dirty jokes often spring to mind when flirting with someone, they really have little or no place in a conversation and can result either in the person being turned off or in an awkward silence, killing the mood and making you feel embarrassed. Take time to think before you speak, and don’t forget, you don’t always have to be funny.

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